


A Mother's Struggle

by TheAsexualScorpio



Series: ASOIAF Ficlets [11]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor, Jon Snow - Freeform, Robb Stark - Freeform, Theon Greyjoy - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2019-04-27 02:59:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14416218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAsexualScorpio/pseuds/TheAsexualScorpio
Summary: Ned makes the mistake of asking Catelyn why she's buying so much Kleenex lately.





	A Mother's Struggle

**Author's Note:**

> Not based on a prompt but rather this hilarious Amazon product review: https://theasexualscorpio.tumblr.com/post/173172050924/leslieknope-im-just-trying-to-get-through

Ned is in the kitchen eating a sandwich when he hears the garage door open. A moment later, Catelyn walks in with both arms loaded down with bags. He quickly finishes his sandwich and moves the plate to the sink so Catelyn can put the groceries down. “That everything?” he asks.

“One more thing,” Catelyn says, sounding strained as she hauls the bags onto the counter.

Ned walks into the garage and raises his eyebrows when he sees bulk package of Kleenex taking up most of the room in the back of their car. What would Catelyn would want with thirty-six boxes of tissues? Even stranger is he's pretty sure this is the third package of thirty-six boxes she’s bought in as many months. Still wondering about it, he picks the package up and brings it into the house. Placing it on the counter, he takes a seat next to Catelyn and starts unloading the groceries. “Why’d you buy so much tissue?”

Ned stills when he hears a hiss. Slowly, he turns to look at his wife, and his stomach drops when he sees the look on her face. Her wide blue eyes are staring holes through him, her nostrils are flared, and her mouth is puckered into a short, thin line. Ned knows this face. He knows it very well, because he makes a point to never see this face. It's far worse than plain anger. This is the face of _bottled up_ anger, the face his wife makes when she has reached the end of her rope. Ned quickly wracks his brain, wondering what he might have done or said, but he comes up with nothing. Catelyn was fine until he brought up the tissue. What was offensive about tissue?

“I bought this much tissue, because Costco doesn’t sell 72-packs,” Catelyn says in a low, terrifying voice. “Or _bales_.”

“Alright then,” Ned says faintly, hoping that will be the end of it and _knowing_ it won’t be. That’s Catelyn’s ranting voice.

“Do you seriously not know what goes on in this house, Eddard?”

Ned winces. His full name. This is bad. This is very bad. Catelyn is staring at him, and he realizes with a start that she expects an answer. “No?”

Catelyn’s smile is like poisoned honey. “Then let me explain it to you.” She nods at the massive package of Kleenex. “First, the Kleenex disappears, then the toilet paper. After that, they start going for the fabrics, and you do not want it to get there unless you’re ready to invest in a five gallon drum of Fabreeze."

Catelyn sucks in another hissing breath through her nose. "This _used_ to be a good, god-fearing home, Ned, but I have moved beyond moral judgment. Now, it’s about survival. If we do not supply absorbent paper products, I will start finding my dish towels wadded up in the basement, stiff as aluminum. The other day? I almost cut my and on a _sock_!”

Ned has no idea what his face looks like, but it must be downright ghastly, because Catelyn softens a little. “I’m sorry to speak about this so frankly. I really don’t want to think about it either, but with three teenage boys, we have got to be practical. What I don’t understand though, Ned, is how you could have missed it. They slink around like cats in heat, and I’ve started announcing my location at all times. I never go into rooms without knocking anymore. I knock on the walls! I practically wear a cowbell, because the last thing I want is to surprise anyone.” Catelyn lets out a mirthless chuckle. “I actually thought it was a bit funny, how they thought they were being sneaky, with their forty-five minute showers and their sudden need for ‘privacy.’”

They’d been sneaky enough for Ned apparently. He could have gone the rest of his life without knowing their three teenage boys were feverishly masturbating all over the house. Or rather, he could have gone the rest of his life not knowing in theory. He isn't a complete fool, but the last thing he wants is  _evidence_. Suddenly, the Kleenex seems to be mocking him.

“I’m just trying to get through this,” Catelyn says quietly.

Ned stares at the Kleenex and then looks back at his wife, taking in her wide, haunted eyes and her slumped shoulders. He wraps an arm around her shoulders and squeezes. “I’m sorry.” Sorry for not being there, not realizing. Sorry that their boys are a pack of heathens.

“Two of them aren’t even mine!” Catelyn whines.

“I know. Is there something I can do to help?”

Catelyn groans and lets her head drop against her chest. “Help me put them in their rooms. Robb and Jon each get ten. Theon gets sixteen.”


End file.
